6 days ago
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Okay so its Saturday one more day till Sunday. I keep going back and forth and whether or not to try a new church tomorrow morning. I seem to be pretty frustrated with my church of late and its not the first time I have felt like this. Does this make me a bad Christian?? I really don't know. I am not much of the church hopper type but after four years at this church I still feel like I really don't belong. Now I feel like I have given it a good try but then I think maybe I have not tried hard enough. I have been thru three small groups, a couple of ladies bible studies and a few lady retreats but I still don't feel connected. I feel as if I am the one in the group who is way out in left field with different viewpoints. Now not to say we haven't made surface friendships with people cause we have. After my son was born people helped us out so much. I mean we had meals for a month maybe more. So that was great. But since he is getting older I feel more alone just alone not stressed out or anything cause I love mothering but just I feel like I am alone in the first time mommies club since I never had that moment of oh my gosh I am a mother now and panicked. I feel into it so naturally that other moms where like how do you do it. The answer is I don't know I have just always had a natural way with small kids. So do I start all over in a new place and see if I connect more or just wait until this season has passed and keep going to original church. I keep praying about it but feel no closer to God or have answers from him then before. So I guess that is all for today. And yeah Cortlyn is napping again in the afternoon which is good since I do need some down time.